Mental Health at the Holiday Feast, Turkey Baskets
By Dianne Anderson
Lots of relatives will choose their words carefully over the holidays, wearing kid gloves in this era of blended families of mixed racial and political backgrounds at the family feast.
For those who are blessed enough to have a feast, it could get next level.
Local marriage and family therapist, Marty Sellers, said family gatherings will be challenging.
“My question is, when do the kid gloves come off and they pull out actual boxing gloves?” he said.
Sellers, who is Black and has two half-Italian siblings, was raised in Chicago and Midwest, notorious for racial tensions between Italians and Blacks.
He said it is necessary to learn how to stay emotionally safe at the dinner table, notably wherever there are sharp utensils.
“There are certain topics off the table because it will cause a bigger divide at Thanksgiving,” he said. “We don’t want a scene from The Color Purple.”
Being aware of psychological boundaries, and knowing when to step away, get some air, and take a break is key to good mental health.
“Go around the corner and sit in your car. It’s okay to know there are certain conversations you can’t handle right now,” said Sellers, MFT, MTS, CEO of MarSell Wellness Center, which has several locations in the Inland Empire and accepts Medi-Cal.
As a therapist, his first-hand experience in developing escape mechanisms came from growing up in a domestic violence household. Today, in working with Riverside County mental and behavioral health services, he teaches others how to cope with a range of domestic violence and anger management issues.
“Take some time, pause and breathe. It may be that I’m only going to stay over here for a certain amount of time. Have an escape plan, a safety plan. If this happens, this is what I’m going to do,” he said.
Through it all, he said it is important to stay grounded in gratitude. Instead of conflict, family members may have to reach farther across the table.
“This holiday season it’s about being thankful for the abilities we have,” he said. “Even in the midst of what appears to be deceit, even though we were discriminated against, but as a people we were never fully defeated. We’re getting our strength together and repositioning ourselves.”
For those thinking more about food than politics, there are still few places to get free turkeys and the fixings.
On Saturday, November 23, the Rescue Mission Alliance Victor Valley is celebrating Thanksgiving with a Turkey Basket Giveaway for pre-qualified families of two or more and say qualifying persons must present correct documentation to receive a basket, which includes pay stub, proof of receiving either Food Stamps or Social Security Passport to Services, number in household, birth certificate, Immunization Card or BIC Card. That event runs from noon to 2:00 p.m. at the San Bernardino County Fairgrounds 14800 Seventh Street in Victorville.
Many other places sold out for free turkeys almost as fast as they were posted, including Terrence Stone and his annual giveaway collaboration with CAPSBC & Young Visionaries Annual Turkey Giveaway Registration,
On November 16, it will be held at Valley College starting at 9:00 a.m. Although it’s already sold out, he said people can still come out because some registrants typically don’t show if they are coming from far away places.
They also welcome the community to bring resources and canned goods and help drop off food to give to those who are in need.
“We’ve got 1,500 turkeys, and it’s already sold out, the list is already full in less than 48 hours,” he said. “A lot of times, we see people signed up, but don’t show up. Some may live in Barstow or Pomona and at the last minute they say I’m not driving down there, they change their mind.”
Dr. Corey A. Jackson, Assemblymember, 60th District is inviting the community out to their November 23, Thanksgiving Turkey Giveaway, in partnership with Riverside County Supervisor Yxstian Gutierrez, SBX Youth & Family Services, Black Voices of the Valley, and Volunteers for Public Services, Inc.
Their two distribution locations include Moreno Valley at Sigma Beta Xi, Inc., 12125 Day St. Suite E303, and in Hemet, at the Public Library, 300 E Latham Ave.
“To ensure that these resources reach those most in need, we ask that attendees register in advance and select their preferred distribution location, either Moreno Valley or Hemet. We’re committed to helping families in need by distributing 1,000 turkeys across our community. In these challenging times, we believe everyone deserves the chance to enjoy a warm, comforting Thanksgiving meal,” said Dr. Jackson in a statement.
To register in advance for Dr. Jackson’s events, call (951) 653-0960 or via email at Jorge.Zavala@asm.ca.gov
To learn more about qualifying for a turkey basket giveway, see
